I think that human beings have a need to be cruel.

I was reading this Margaret Atwood book, Cat's Eye, earlier today for a Lit essay I have to write in a few months, and in it the protagonist (who, incidentally, sounds a hell of a lot like Atwood) says that young girls need to be mean, because it's the only way that they can survive, or be, or feel, or something like that.

I remember reading that and agreeing, but in hindsight I think it goes a lot, larger then that. I think that little girls maybe have a stronger capacity of being mean without feeling as much remorse, and having a conscience which is as loud, due to the fact that the line between right and wrong isn't clearly defined for them yet, and that they are learning how to be little people etc. (I'm not justifying their actions in anything either) But I think that everyone needs to be mean, and can be mean, and that it's just a matter of whether or not they are aware of the fact that they are, quote on quote, "being mean."

Take me for example, seeing as I am the only person I truly know, I know that when I am mean or unkind I immediately feel regret. Hurting people is painful, but sometimes, if one is in the right situation, you know how to do it, especially if it's with someone you know, and it can feel good to point out the flaws in others if a) you see those flaws reflected in yourself or b) said victim has done the same to you.

Then there are the people who are, debatebly, the worst kind, because you can't really be mad at them. Yes, I'm talking about those people who have a capacity for cruelty, or critcism, but are unaware of the fact that they are being mean and don't understand what they're doing. These are the worst because they are virtually un-condemnable, unless you can somehow get them to change. I have experience with people like this, and it hurts more then anything. When someone you care about, love, even, says things to you that make you feel like... digging a hole in your backyard and hiding in it, or tearing off your skin. It's un-bearable, because I don't want to make a huge deal by telling this person who can't comprehend what they're doing, how much they're truly hurting me, and I also have to deal with pretending I'm fine. Now, you can basically only hope that the person you love making those comments fits into this category, unless they are in the next one.

This section is those people who know exactly how to hurt people, do it, don't feel bad about it, and get that little pleasure from seeing how much they can affect someone. I hope I don't know anyone like this, but sometimes, when it comes to people who might be 'sick' or me or something are saying unreasonable things, I just hope they don't fit into this one.

I wonder if this makes any sense to anyone but me.

The thing is, I doubt anyone will respond, and the anonymous enormity of this blog is paradoxically BLOWING MY MIND.