After suffering my terrible laptop experience last night,
I decided to have some fun,
So I took.. well let's say more than I'm supposed to of this pill that helps you relax at night,
the awesome thing about this is that its side effect is vivid dreams.
So I took, well anyways, I took them,
fell asleep, and had a very traumatic dream.

In my dream I was at this farm, in the middle of nowhere, presumabely.
It was this field, all this rye and wheat and grain, and it was very sunny, but the sky was just blue,
not a cloud in sight.
Anyways I walked into this small cabin in the middle of this sea of grass,
and started making a fire and stuff like that.
Then all these people from my dad's side of the family started arriving:
his sister, his dad, and they started to talk to me and criticize how I was cooking and how I was cleaning.
It was stressful as hell, and then m Grandpa told me to start preparing something for my Grandma,
because she was coming over too.
I protested, asking how she could come over?
She has Alzheimes, and is in a wheelchair in a home, which she never leaves.
But I prepared food for her anyways.
My grandma arrived, and she was in her wheelchair and stuff,
but progressively she started, not becoming younger but losing her illness,
and then she was standing and tall and beautiful, like I would expect a regular grandma to look like.
It was the cabin, and the property: it was saving her.
And everyone was acting like it was perfectly normal.
Now I think the reason this dream was so emotional for me is because I literally do not remember my grandma before her illness. I don't remember her being normal, or an adult,
just as this child with Alzheimers that I could never really get close to.
Anyways, my family has obviously told me stories and shown me pictures of her,
and she was a lot like me, and she was beautiful and intelligent and strong,
but I've never really known her like that so besides the love you have for blood,
I've never really reallllly cared as much about her I would if she was normal.
Sounds awful, but I'm just being honest.
Back to my dream, this dream-Tash was me, so I was overwhelmed by this transformation,
and I saw my grandma and my aunt go for a walk, arms linked, happy and normal,
and because I was so sad because I knew as soon as she left the property she would go back to being,
well, mentally ill or whatever,
I ran away.
I ran into the middle of this field,
far away from the cabin,
and sat down in a spot where it was just grass and it was surrounded by tall strands of wheat.
I sat there, and my heart, oh man it hurt.
I sat there, sad, inconsolable,  until I heard a noise,
and saw my grandma.
She was running to me across the field, laughing.
She looked beautiful; her hair was brown, she was wearing a loose white dress,
and it almost felt like she was floating to me.
She arrived and grabbed me and hugged me, held me,
and I started to cry. Weep.
She re-assured me, and for the first time in my life (even though it was a dream)
my grandma and I talked and she gave me advice and told me it was okay.
Told me how to find myself, become a good person,
but I was so sad because I think at this point I knew I was dreaming
and that my grandma and I would never be able to experience this.
I woke up and I was crying.
And now I am here.